This year, I made a resolution to be enormously excited and enthusiastic about Raya.
I don't know when I made this resolution.
But I made it. And I have apparently made some sub-resolutions along with it.
(Very good subconscious mindmapping system I have):
I want to enjoy going to every house eventhough I have noo idea who I'm visiting,
I want to eat everything I wanna without counting the hours of jogging to sweat them off,
I want to wear nice-nice clothes, nice-nice makeup and be as mentel as I can ever be,
I want to love and embrace everyone who visits my house without thinking of the cleaning up later...
I think I made these resolutions in a dream. My beloved Freud says dreams are all forms of "wish-fulfillment" — attempts by the unconscious to resolve a conflict of some sort, whether something recent or something from the recessess of the past. Return of the Repressed, if you may. I'm a showoff because I'm plonking down what I've learnt in lit classes, if you may.
You see, my experiences with Raya has been like the kind of coffee my dad likes. Bitter-sweet, but more bitter than sweet because he says his teeth will hurt if it's too sweet (99% of his teeth are fake btw -__-).
From Sec2-3, Raya is not so joyful joyful because I had created so much shit that I was reeking too much of shit to fully enjoy myself.
Sec4 is stupid Olevels.
My whole 2 years in JC made me a reclusive depressant that I couldn't even remember what happened in those dark dismal years.
But last year was lovely. It was one of the sweetest memory I have of Raya. I want to preserve that beautiful experience in all my Rayas to come.
Maybe that experience seeds itself into my brain and grew into a plant of resolutions.
So far, Alhamdullilah, this year is very special because of a few things:
1) Daddy is more patient. He waits for the ladies patiently. He smiles more. He laughs more. He's not kanchiong about time. This year, daddy is a charming, smiley relax jack.
2) Abang hugged me for the first time in my life.
I didn't know who I was to him until that moment.
It means the whole universe to me to know he loves me as much as I do him :')
3) It is the first in many years that we took Family Photos which are genuine. Real sparkles in the eyes. Real, happy smiles.
But there are some other stuffs that saddens and disppoints me.
Above everything else,
I want to see everyone being genuinely happy. No fights. No tensions.
Just happily contented with kuehs, lontongs, f&ns and each other's company.
I know behind their smiles there linger a longing for reconciliation, a longing for that once upon a time when everything and everyone was so bonded. It was beautiful and it was supposed to last.
But sometimes, adults become too much like children. They forget all consequences, and follow Nafsu instead of Akal. So what are they celebrating then, if they still have not learn to triumph over Nafsu? So what is the meaning of forgiveness then, if they have not really forgave? So what is the meaning of family, if it is so easily fraught by the most ridiculous, trivial things?
These 'adult matters' really do need a "kid's" perspective sometimes.
Kids don't just say the darndest things you know.
Sigh.
I hope everyone will recover their senses soon.
It's not too late.
:)
I don't know when I made this resolution.
But I made it. And I have apparently made some sub-resolutions along with it.
(Very good subconscious mindmapping system I have):
I want to enjoy going to every house eventhough I have noo idea who I'm visiting,
I want to eat everything I wanna without counting the hours of jogging to sweat them off,
I want to wear nice-nice clothes, nice-nice makeup and be as mentel as I can ever be,
I want to love and embrace everyone who visits my house without thinking of the cleaning up later...
I think I made these resolutions in a dream. My beloved Freud says dreams are all forms of "wish-fulfillment" — attempts by the unconscious to resolve a conflict of some sort, whether something recent or something from the recessess of the past. Return of the Repressed, if you may. I'm a showoff because I'm plonking down what I've learnt in lit classes, if you may.
You see, my experiences with Raya has been like the kind of coffee my dad likes. Bitter-sweet, but more bitter than sweet because he says his teeth will hurt if it's too sweet (99% of his teeth are fake btw -__-).
From Sec2-3, Raya is not so joyful joyful because I had created so much shit that I was reeking too much of shit to fully enjoy myself.
Sec4 is stupid Olevels.
My whole 2 years in JC made me a reclusive depressant that I couldn't even remember what happened in those dark dismal years.
But last year was lovely. It was one of the sweetest memory I have of Raya. I want to preserve that beautiful experience in all my Rayas to come.
Maybe that experience seeds itself into my brain and grew into a plant of resolutions.
So far, Alhamdullilah, this year is very special because of a few things:
1) Daddy is more patient. He waits for the ladies patiently. He smiles more. He laughs more. He's not kanchiong about time. This year, daddy is a charming, smiley relax jack.
2) Abang hugged me for the first time in my life.
I didn't know who I was to him until that moment.
It means the whole universe to me to know he loves me as much as I do him :')
3) It is the first in many years that we took Family Photos which are genuine. Real sparkles in the eyes. Real, happy smiles.
But there are some other stuffs that saddens and disppoints me.
Above everything else,
I want to see everyone being genuinely happy. No fights. No tensions.
Just happily contented with kuehs, lontongs, f&ns and each other's company.
I know behind their smiles there linger a longing for reconciliation, a longing for that once upon a time when everything and everyone was so bonded. It was beautiful and it was supposed to last.
But sometimes, adults become too much like children. They forget all consequences, and follow Nafsu instead of Akal. So what are they celebrating then, if they still have not learn to triumph over Nafsu? So what is the meaning of forgiveness then, if they have not really forgave? So what is the meaning of family, if it is so easily fraught by the most ridiculous, trivial things?
These 'adult matters' really do need a "kid's" perspective sometimes.
Kids don't just say the darndest things you know.
Sigh.
I hope everyone will recover their senses soon.
It's not too late.
:)
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